if you don’t have anything nice to say…

so, my boyfriend came home the other day and spent our entire dinner talking about how some dude had made some face when he walked in the room and then proceeded to whisper to another dude…surely about him.

no.  this did not happen.  why?  BECAUSE GUYS DON’T DO THIS.  really, can you imagine your dad/brother/husband/fiancé/boyfriend doing this??  no.  you can’t.  because that would be really, really ridiculous.

hey, guess what…it’s really, really ridiculous when women do it, too.

yeah, this is not about photography, though, it indirectly is.  it seems that the more “success” i may come upon (and when i say “success”, i mean it in the “i-have-a-happy-family-and-i-love-my-job, which-shows” sort of way), the more i hear about weird, catty women talking behind my back.  frankly, i don’t get it.  honestly, 99% of them, i have little-to-no-contact with.  WHAT. IS. THE. DEAL. LADIES?!?!

really, it is as though these women got stuck in their junior high personas and forgot to grow up.  sometimes, i feel as though i need to tell my daughter these things that I hear, so that she can make some sense of it for me…’cause, you know, SHE’S TWELVE.

i’ve gotta admit, i’ve been guilty of it in the past…and never did i see it as the hurtful thing that it is, but, rather, i wasn’t seeing past my own insecurities.

and then i grew up.

does this mean that i’m secure in every single aspect, totally and completely confident in everything i do, and think i’m the most badass woman alive?  nope.  absolutely not.   my insecurities abound, just like everyone else’s.  my confidence takes shots to it all the time.  and my badassedness sometimes feels like mousiness.

bottom line: 99% of our cattiness is truly about our own insecurity.  it’s not about the other women; it’s about our own internal health.  how about, instead of being just another woman dragging other women down, you start doing your own work on you and become a woman you can be proud of??

frankly, we’re not going to like every woman we meet.  not every woman we meet is going to dig us, either.  but, let’s at least be mature about it.  have some dignity, ladies.  scoffing at someone because they’re skinnier and/or prettier than us isn’t going to make us lose ten pounds or suddenly get more attractive (quite the contrary on the attractive, in fact.) hating someone because you wish you had her guy isn’t gonna make him fall in love with you.  talking crap about some woman because she and your best friend had a beer together isn’t going to make your bond with your best friend any stronger.

all of that said, projecting your insecurities onto others and using them as a focus of conversation with your friends is unattractive and unbecoming.

you know what’s attractive and endearing?  building others up, instead of tearing them down.  celebrating other’s successes instead of being threatened by them.  complimenting instead of trash-talking.

in conclusion, i’m most definitely going to do a photo project about women, their insecurities, and their many positive and awesome traits that should negate those insecurities.  yes.  i am.  and it will involve wine.  if you are interested in being a part, let me know.  it’s time for a change.


  1. Anonymous · December 6, 2012

    I wanna be a part of that! I totally do!

    • alanatphotography · December 6, 2012

      well, “someone”, 🙂 you should message me and we’ll get the ball rollin’.

  2. Anonymous · December 6, 2012

    i love this so much!

  3. Kerri F · December 6, 2012

    Hear hear! Great post Alana. I am excited about the project and definitely want to hear about it and/or be involved.

  4. Char Edson · December 6, 2012


  5. Emily McGonigle · December 6, 2012

    A. FREAKIN. MEN! ❤

  6. Becca · December 6, 2012

    me me me. I wanna be part of this.

  7. Court · December 6, 2012

    Well, if your in North County San Diego anytime soon I know this great little winery… 🙂

    • alanatphotography · December 6, 2012

      shewwwwwwwt, that sounds FABULOUS!
      maybe i need to make this a touring shoot. 🙂 who wants to give me a bunch of money…anyone? anyone?

  8. assemblata · December 6, 2012

    Yesssss. This is awesome.

  9. KT Wright · December 9, 2012

    Hell Yes! and positive rants like this are way better than negative ones too.

    • alanatphotography · December 10, 2012

      thank you, kt! I completely agree.
      and I’ll put you on the invite for the evening I am planning to do this, if you wanna join…lemme know. 🙂

  10. Ann · February 9, 2013

    LOVE THIS!!! Thank you for doing this project!

  11. Amy · February 10, 2013

    I love this idea! Put me down

    • alanatphotography · February 16, 2013


      Please get in touch with me either via email, alana.t.photography@gmail.com
      via facebook – alana t photography.

      I’m planning on sending an invite to some ladies who are interested in doing one of these soon. 🙂

  12. Pingback: Guest Post: A Group of Women, A Photographer, A Project – Truth & Beauty – Part 1 | Global Yoga Hub
  13. Pingback: Suicide. Insecurity. Self-Esteem. And the power of communication. Group 11 – Decorah, Iowa Teens! | alana t photography

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