The Raw.Honest.Loved.Project

This is the countdown of the last of the women’s individual posts until the blog all about our night doing this project with some outstanding teen girls will be released. Only three two more of these awesome women to go after this…thank you for taking the time to read their individual stories that they so honestly and openly shared with you. It makes this all worth it.

The blogs about women were long. Real long.

For the sake of none of these women’s honest, heartfelt words and loving messages from their friends and family going unseen, I’m going to be posting each in a single blog every couple of days or so until I am able to finally get the teen session executed and up to share. So that you can take just five minutes and read one woman’s “story” and maybe find comfort in the way you can relate/understand/empathize/etc.

They will be in no particular order…drawing numbers 1-18.
Today’s number: #18.

I give you peni.
peni wasn’t able to actually join us the night of the shoot, but she was a part of the project, nonetheless. So, here she is being the most beautiful pregnant lady. 🙂
(peni’s post can also be found in Part 2 of the women’s project blogs: https://alanatphotography.wordpress.com/2013/02/12/women-raw-honest-loved-part-2/)

peni’s words ~

“I’ve had a hard time nailing down an insecurity because I have so many. I really started paying attention to that nasty voice in my head to see what she was talking about to get an idea of what my biggest one might be. I talk to myself worse than I would ever talk to my worst enemy let alone someone I loved or liked even a little. Whether it’s telling myself how hideous I am when I look in the mirror or telling myself that I’m not pretty enough for my fiancé and that he should be with someone else or that I’m stupid or clumsy or lazy, or, or. What really made me hone in on the underlying problem though was the recent birth of my son. It was a relatively easy and quick labor and delivery. Only 14 minutes of pushing and 4 pushes to get out a 8 lb. 2 oz. little guy who had one arm up by his face. The midwives even thanked me for a beautiful experience and for reminding them of why they do what they do. I couldn’t accept any of the praise though, all I could think was “but I tore and needed stitches…it wasn’t PERFECT…I wasn’t PERFECT.” I was really angry with myself and kept thinking about what I could and should have done differently to prepare in the months before and/or while in labor.

I realized that this is my insecurity…not being perfect. I’m not the most beautiful person I know so therefore I’m hideous and not deserving of my fiancé’s adoration. I can’t be proud of my natural home delivery of my perfect son because I screwed up somehow and was injured. I know how stupid this sounds but there it is.”

peni’s friends and family:

“For Peni…
She is an unwavering truth seeker…
Generous with her laughter…
A Happiness warrior!” – alison

“Peni sparkles. Her eyes smile and laugh right above her strong and gentle cheekbones. Even her thick and shiny hair has kind of a happy bounce to it. I love her laugh and even though it’s been years since I’ve seen her, I can hear her laugh. I don’t think the girl works out much (unless something has changed), yet she has a great figure and really good arms. If I ever needed to find humor or a positive slant to something not so fun in my life, I would go to Peni. Her ability to flip to the positive is instantaneous. I don’t think she even really has to think about it. Peni is supportive and loving to her friends, boosting them any way she can to succeed.
I’m so excited that Peni is a mom now, as I’ve always believe she’s a kindred spirit with the little ones, having so much patience, and is just damn fun for a kid. Milo is one lucky dude…as is Danny. My husband used to joke with Danny “She’s out of your league.” I admire this woman and am grateful she is here as the planet needs her!” – dana

“Where to start? After gorgeous, the next thing that pops in my head is so, so witty! Intelligent, funny, loyal, fearless, and just plain amazing! Easiest assignment ever! Lol” – whitney

“Hi Alana,
There are so many wonderful words that come to mind when I think of Peni, 
here are a few: Organized, Healthy, Fun, and Extremely likeable!” – ruth

“Ms. Peni Rae: 
1. Compassionate. She is the most compassionate person I’ve ever met. She knows how to put herself in others’ shoes and be incredibly understanding. 
2. Funny! Peni has the wittiest sense of humor and uses it well. 
3. Gorgeous! I never saw such beautiful skin and shining eyes as with Peni. 
4. Great listener. Peni knows how to listen when a friend needs an ear. She gives great advice but also knows when it’s just about listening. 
5. Passionate. Peni is very passionate about so many things. The health and well being of everyone, for one, but also now motherhood. 
6. Caring. Peni cares not only about the people she loves in her life but also about strangers on the street and about the earth and the environment and its future. 
7. Supportive. Peni goes above and beyond to support those she loves in whatever crazy dreams they might have. She believes that anything is possible for anyone. 
8. Positive. Peni is the most positive person I’ve met since being on the West Coast. She always has a way of knowing and practicing that when times are tough, there is a reason for it and that she wants to get the most out of any situation and encourages those around her to do the same. 
9. Diplomatic. Peni has a peace about her and knows how to handle people and sometimes their negativity in a peaceful, fair, and non dramatic way. 
10. ☺ And ❤ ❤ ❤ " – stacie

“Beautiful,
Thoughtful, Loving,
Brave,
Sweet,
Intelligent, Creative,
Wonderful, Loyal, Nurturing, Outgoing. I knew that I was blessed when Peni came in to my life. She is such an incredible woman and friend. Her loyal and devoted friendship is rare. Her unconditional love for her friends that have become her family is admirable. She is a person with wonderful insight on life because she is a person who thinks things through. I am blessed to have her in my life and anyone else who has come to know her truly knows they have met an angel here on earth.” – bianca

“I have a sister. I didn’t even know she existed until about 7ish years ago. Nope, she doesn’t share the same DNA as me…but, man oh man, do we share the same blood. She is my confidant, my rock, my teacher, my therapist, my dork, my best, best, bestest friend in the universe.
When I first met Peni, it was at work – we were told that this AMAZING chick had just moved from California to Washington and was going to join our freelance team…our trainer went on and on about how awesome Peni was, so, immediately, because we were a bunch of insecure women, we knew we were going to hate her.
Well, damn him if he wasn’t totally right. You couldn’t hate Peni…not even if she really was better than us (she was). Peni is freakin lovable. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever known anyone who doesn’t love her. She is smarter than all of us, but she keeps her opinion and knowledge to herself unless you ask for it. She is humble as all get out.
People who don’t know her very well would think that she’s just a cute, quiet little thing…but, Peni is HILARIOUS, and talkative, and full of quips that could just shut you down if she wanted to. She is so damn witty. I don’t know if anyone in my life has ever made me laugh as hard as she has. And, I dunno if you know me, but I laugh A LOT. And at a lot of dumb shit. But this girl is the funniest.
Peni is my go-to for advice. She’ll tell it to me straight. Or she’ll somehow use her jedi mind-tricks and, without hurting my feelings by telling me that whatever I’m thinking is a REAL DUMB idea, she’ll cause me to think of something better. I don’t know how she does it, really. I’m constantly blown away.
Peni is STRONG. She can hold herself together in the most trying situations. I can probably count on my hand the number of times I’ve seen her cry, and they’ve been for damn good reasons.
She is PATIENT. Man is she patient. Which is really coming in handy now, because, not only is she the raddest new mom ever, but she’s a super patient rad new mom. What kid doesn’t want that??
Peni deserves every beautiful thing that can ever happen to a person. She makes us better people just by knowing her. The beauty that Peni is shines strong through her fiance’s eyes. You can see who Peni is by how much he adores her. She deserves nothing less than to be adored like that.
Peni is GORGEOUS. She is the queen of nutrition, so, she has the best, strongest, healthiest, cutest little body. She has the most beautiful skin…always glowing. She has the BEST smile and makes you smile with her when you see it.
Peni is no-bullshit. That is something that I have proven most thankful for, as she sets an example in not wasting time on toxic people. She focuses on the positive. She has no need for negative. And she exudes the positive for all of us. Remember, we’re better people because of her…
Peni is also the most trustworthy, nonjudgmental person I have ever known.
I would do anything for Peni. ANY. THING. She is the pants to my boots. I love her so much.” – alana

the original blogs (with backstory) can be found here:

https://alanatphotography.wordpress.com/2013/02/12/women-raw-honest-loved-part-2/